9/16 NICU Day 24

 This morning I thought I’d be starting this post with a statement similar to the last few days. When I first walked in to Olivia’s new room, the first thing I noticed, other than the size, was the big sunflower picture. 

I have always loved sunflowers (I took pictures of some to start decorating Olivia’s room at home..and used one to “decorate” this blog). I guess I just felt this was a good omen. Olivia was resting peacefully and everything seemed really good. 

The nurse mentioned that Olivia’s heart rate had been elevated throughout the night and early morning. She also mentioned Olivia had seemed a little warm to the touch. She didn’t have a fever but just wanted to make me aware that the team may discuss it during rounds. 

Well discuss they did. The doctor felt Oliva may need a blood transfusion due to low blood counts and her heart rate (a symptom sometimes related to low blood counts). A blood transfusion had been mentioned to Kevin and I before (I signed a consent for it on Olivia’s birthday) and we were informed then, as I was informed today, that it is very common in preemies. The doctor was amazed Olivia HADN’T had a transfusion yet saying “she just isn’t a typical preemie. It’s incredible!”. 

Although her surprise & amazement, as well as this typical treatment, should not have phased me, I did feel emotional when relaying the information to Kevin. I felt sad thinking of Olivia having to go through another IV placement and needing more labs drawn. Kevin reminded me that, again, we have so much to be thankful for...the doctors didn’t think it was an infection or something worse or abnormal. We needed to focus on the good and not worry. 

Olivia is still slowing growing, she’s still on her bubble CPAP with out having difficulties, and she was downgraded (a good thing in the medical world) to a new area of NICU. In fact, when Kevin went to visit in the evening, he said the transfusion was going fine. Her heart rate was already heading back to normal. He said she looked very content and comfortable. Kevin was able to spend almost four hours with her after he got off work. I’m sure she knows…but her dad is absolutely wonderful :) 

I am thankful. And when thinking and reading back through the days I do know I have reasons to be. Olivia has been atypical…she’s absolutely a miracle. But today, it weighed so heavy on me thinking of this whole situation-the question of “why me?”. I don’t believe I’ll ever know the answer…it doesn’t feel fair. When I start thinking ‘why me’ I get jealous, angry, sad, frustrated…and my heart just aches. It’s still difficult tonight…but I am reminded of my post from 9/4 and the truth I felt and wrote regarding our devotional on Psalm 88.

I have faith God is in control. I know He is working all things according to His plan.  I know He knows the desires of my heart and hears my prayers. He is here with me in this and I need to lean on Him.

‘We pour out constant worship when we feel constant sorrow…we continue to walk by faith when we cannot see…’

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