9/2 NICU Day 10

Today was the first day that we experienced the “roller coaster” the doctor had been referring to when caring for babies that are in the NICU. This morning, when we arrived for rounds, we were informed by the nurse that rounds were done really early this morning. She then said “also…I wanted to let you know the team decided to stop her feeds today because she had some blood in her diaper this morning.” She then went on to explain this was common in preemies and that an X-ray was done with nothing abnormal noted. Of course she messaged the doctor to come see us to give his updates and explanations. While we waited I immediately went into worry mode. I cant explain why my first instinct isn’t to pray, or to thank God for everything thus far that He’s done, or, as a nurse, to NOT PANIC. Kevin was a cool as a cucumber which only made me jealous. While we waited the nurse suggested that we do our kangaroo care. It eased my mind to think that the nurse felt Olivia was stable enough for me to hold. In fact, the nurse was even able to help ease my anxiety further and suggested a family photo session. It isn’t the most flattering picture but I love that she was able to sense that I needed a distraction and that I needed some baby cuddles…so here’s our first family photo for better or worse!

When the doctor came by I was feeling in a much better space emotionally and was ready to hear what he had to say. I know that blood in the gastrointestinal tract is never good, especially in babies, where it could indicate a range from intestinal irritation to a serious infection (which for preemies can be life threatening). Turns out…he didn’t have the terrible news I was expecting. He said it’s possible the blood came from a small fissure, or skin tear that the team noticed while evaluating her. Because her labs, vital signs, and X-ray did not show anything concerning this was the most likely cause. BUT to be safe they would give her tummy a rest for today. She will have labs and another X-ray in the morning. 

When we returned for our evening with Olivia she had not had any further diapers with blood. She had had two poops that looked completely normal! (I feel like one day she is going to be SO upset I talked so much about her ‘number 2s’ to so many people). We were also told by her night nurse that she had her head CT today. To be honest I was shocked by this-(even though I know it was coming soon)-but figured the test would have been something the doctor mentioned this morning. Again, I had a wave of anxiety take over while we waited for the nurse practitioner to come tell us the results. When the nurse practitioner came to talk to us she told us that the head CT was completely normal. This has been a worry in the back of both our minds as we have been told head bleeds are very common at this early age. To hear the good news...I’d say I was/am elated but what I feel is beyond that. We have been blessed with another great day. And I know tomorrow is not promised to us. I need to be constantly reminded to be THANKFUL for what I do have and the moments I do have. The worry and anxiety only cloud the happy moments. And when the good moments may be fleeting, I certainly don’t want them to be overshadowed by my cloudiness. 

One last picture because my heart is just so full. 

I know I sound so selfish…but please pray for my worry and doubt and anxiety to be replaced with thanksgiving. God has been so good. There is no need for anything other than praise and thanksgiving. Please continue to pray for Olivia’s stability, her continued development, and her overall health. Pray for Kevin…he’s been my rock and I know that it can be difficult to be counted on so heavily. Again thank you everyone for the prayers, for the messages, for just the outpouring of love over us. ❤️Thanks will never be enough.