10/8 NICU Day 46

The last two days have been rough for me. Wednesday afternoon I felt a little under the weather (most likely from stress and severe lack of sleep) and made the decision to skip the hospital yesterday and today. I felt much better yesterday (after allowing myself a much needed sleep in) but was still planning on waiting until tomorrow to see her. In the meantime Kevin has been spending time with Olivia in my absence. Even though I know she’s in good hands it has been hard for me to stay away. 

Little Olivia has been doing okay. She has had some more “dips” in her oxygen. The doctors feel her periodic breathing is the contributing factor so have increased her caffeine slightly. Periodic breathing is common in premature babies-hopefully she grows out of it soon.

The hardest part about being away from the hospital is not being at the bedside when doctors deliver news. I received a phone call this afternoon that on an ordered X-ray to check her OD (feeding tube) placement, the doctors noticed what could be signs of infection in her bowels. The NP who I spoke with said it could be stool but they aren’t sure. Olivia hasn’t had any signs of infection, so this was an incidental finding. Her feeds were stopped for bowel rest, an IV started for nutrition in the meantime, and a repeat X-ray is ordered for 10pm tonight.  

I know there is nothing I could do to prevent her having a bowel infection, even if I was there now. I still feel it was smart to take two days away to be safe for her but it does not make it any easier. I am praying that the follow up X-ray does not show the signs of infection. I don’t know enough about it but it sounds like it would be a serious condition requiring bowel rest for 10 days and a long course of antibiotics. 

The nurse today has been so good about keeping us updated. She even made sure I got to see a good picture so I wouldn’t miss Olivia as badly. I just can’t believe how much I love this little girl already. 


I can’t help but just feel bad for myself today. I know it’s selfish to say ‘why me?!’ but it has been difficult to not feel that way, especially today. I’ve been praying really hard for strength to continue to place my trust in God even though it is not easy. I’ve been also praying hard for Olivia. I know it is a season and that God has been faithful. It’s just been a little harder to remember that today. 

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